SHE COULDN'T RUN

Mariah felt uncomfortable standing in her new bikini as she looked across the blue expanse of the hotel’s Olympic sized swimming pool. Black lines rippled under the water, marking lines of traffic for those wishing to swim. Couples splashed in the shallow end while some show-offs attempted fancy dives in the deep water end. This was not at all the way she had expected to spend her weekend she had new potential clients who had shown interest.

Fareed swam gently in the water in front of Mariah, smiling up at her as water drops glistened on his face. He looked handsome. It was impossible to imagine him ruthless or imagine them criminals. They both looked like any other couple. He stroked backward swimming out of her way, the muscle enclosed within his swimsuit distracted her from thoughts of the cold water. “Come on Mariah what are you waiting for?”

Fareed had invited her for a weekend getaway at this hotel. The water stretched out in front of her, she had to dive in or continue to look silly. People had already started staring. Squeezing her eyes shut, she abandoned elegance and leaped into the water. She splashed down in what seemed like the Indian ocean to her. She came up gasping and flinging the chlorinated water from her eyes and blinking in amazement at Fareed who swam toward her smiling. He looked even sexier. “That was brilliant diving, the best I have seen in a long time, I wonder why you were hesitating,” he said as he reached her.

“The water is cold” She said.

“Not cold sweetheart,” he smiled, “just unheated, there is a difference”

Mariah shivered and swam across the pool , generating body heat before her skin could go numb. Fareed followed her. She was beginning to feel her body adjusting to the water coolness. She kept moving with him close behind. And surprisingly she found that it was fun.

“Are you alright? Don’t worry about the girls, everything is under control, the clients checked in and so far they are satisfied” He said coming alongside her and looking into her eyes. She continued to swim with an easy gliding motion across the water.

“ I am okay” She said raising her eyebrows at him, “am no baby”

“Before you got in the water anyone watching would think its your first time,”

“Not me, I have lived along the coast most of my life, but I admit you swim better than I do,”

“Why don’t we find out by you racing me to the end,”

He let her beat him to the end and then together they slowly swam toward the shallow end of the pool. Mariah reached shallow enough water to stand up. She waded over the steps as he followed watching her body as she climbed out of the pool. She stood glistening and drying in the sunshine as Fareed stared at how the droplets trickled down her skin.

Mariah looked at him and furrowed her brow. “Would you atleast close your mouth when you stare at my body?” She said jokingly and he smiled at her.

“There is a lot to gape at. besides you are beautiful,” He said leaning towards her as her lips parted in anticipation of the kiss that was to come.

Loud ringing pierced a fuzzy-headed morning, shattering her dream, the vivid colors of her dream disappeared. And she was in her bed as she rose through the depths of sleep, she always woke up when the dream got to her favorite part. The part where they kissed. Mariah knew she wouldn’t go to work. There was no work to go to, she had been out of business for two years now. She still lived off the money she had made during her business years.

If she waited long enough the ringing of her cellphone would stop, she thought. But instead of stopping the ringing persisted incessantly until she rolled over and reached for it on her bedside stand.

“Hello?” Her mouth tasted dry, cottony. Sunlight streamed through the curtains of her window illuminating her bedroom with a bright yellow glow.

“Mariah!” It was Fareed, his voice sounded panicky

She lifted to an elbow and glanced at the clock, which said 8:32. “What’s going on?” Her mind was cleared from sleep and she was now fully alert. She hadn’t seen Fareed since they parted ways two years ago, he had been a friend with benefits and a “business partner” but her conscience would not allow her to continue with the business. It was illegal and terrible things happened.

“Sorry to wake you up but I had to call you, this is important.”He said

Mariah sat up and swung her legs to the side of the bed. “Get to the point please you are getting me worried,”

“Okay, some gentlemen from the CID came here this morning, they know about the house along Chaka road. They say they have witnesses . They found some of the girls who are willing to talk,” Said Fareed.

“Did they have an arrest warrant for us” Asked Mariah afraid now.

“No, they asked me not leave town, or country that am under investigation, am sure they are coming to your place, I called to warn you,”He said regretfully

And before she could say anything else there was loud knocking on her door. She couldn’t move as the phone fell from her hand. Her sins had finally caught up with her.

She was crouched hugging her knees on the floor as the knocking became persistent. She finally decided to answer the door. Still in her sleeping gown, She got up and with jerky hypnotic movements , reached the door and opened it.

Barrage of IDs

They were there and she didn’t need their identification to recognize them. They wore brittle smiles on their faces and one wore sunglasses. The one with the sunglasses reached from inside his jacket and flipped open his identification. His companions did the same. Mariah reeled back at the barrage of IDs. She had no desire to read any of them.

“Madam Good morning, Criminal Investigation Department. We are here to get information from you, concerning the house along chaka road ” Said the sunglassed one pushing his way into her house as the rest followed.

Mariah Gaped like a stranded fish and said nothing as she joined them in her living room. She was still in shock. Then she shuddered in panic and they all watched her.

“I..I don’t know any house along Chaka road,”She managed, “I don’t want to be bothered.”

“Look madam if you refuse to cooperate with us, all you will accomplish is to alert your neighbors that you are in trouble. Would you rather we escorted you down to our headquarters for questioning?”asked one of the officers sternly.

Mariah closed her eyes and whispered,” What do you need to know?”

“About the house along chaka road and whatever happened to Eunia, specifically “ He said calmly as he took out his tape recorder and pressed the button.

*********************

The house…the girls

It was a beautiful one story house with lots of rooms. The neighbors on Chaka road could not even in their wildest dreams guess what went on there. People drove in and out of the grounds. Politicians, CEOs, and businessmen were the frequent visitors of the house. The hedges grew tall and no one would peek inside. The guards and the dogs were alert at all times. No one who didn’t belong got past. The house was run by Madame Mariah and Fareed.

Eunia was beautiful, tall and dark skinned.She was nineteen.She was brought to the house along Chaka road straight from upcountry by Fareed who had promised her a modeling contract. She was an orphan and had been under the care of her grandmother.Fareed had gone on one of the his "scouting" journeys and found her.She looked innocent and marveled at the lush grounds, the big house and the shiny new cars parked at the grounds. She was awed by the new dresses she was given and by the big bathroom and the shower. Even the food. It was a far cry from the village and the small hut she shared with her grandmother back in the village. Everything was alien and wonderful for her.

The next morning , unsuspecting, she followed all the other girls for the morning line up after breakfast. The clients had arrived early since it was a weekend. They sat and watched the girls as they were paraded. One particular client showed interest Eunia.

“I like this one,” Said the man pointing at Eunia, “is she new, a virgin perhaps?”

Fareed smiled a knowing smile at the client, “You bet, no disease, more pleasure and fresh from the cradle! And you will pay more of course”

“Money is no problem as long as I get my money’s worth,” said the man grinning at Eunia.

The reality of the situation sunk in Eunia’s head and she was horrified. She perfectly understood since they spoke the national language.Up until then she thought they were being paraded for modeling selection.. She was horrified and her stomach clenched in fear and anger and she burst out!

“No! Not if my life depended on it,” Shouted Eunia

“How dare you! After all we have done for you? Stop saying that!” Snorted Fareed

“I will say it many times if I want to, you promised my grandmother you will take me to modeling, I am not going to accept this”

“Show some respect, cant you see we have clients present”Hissed fareed at the girl who cowered.

“But..but..”she muttered.

“Quiet!”Shouted Fareed cutting her off and slapping her in the process, “You have a roof under you, new clothes and food do you think all that is for free?”

He then slapped her severally and she screamed. “That should chasten you, you hard headed girl. Talking to me like am your errand boy. See all this girls? You will be working with them and ask them what happens to rebels”

Eunia only looked at him tears spilling down her face the magnitude what she was to do hitting her.

She suddenly knew she couldn’t do it. She wont do it, she decided. She will refuse and demand to go back to the village. Or runway, yes she would run away. They all went to their room. A big room with beds. Eunia wouldn’t stop crying. No one came to talk to her, the other girls all had bored expressions on their faces. Eunia wondered why they couldn’t see the wrong in what they did. She could tell she disgusted them with her crying.

A woman came in to lead her out to meet her first client.

“My name is Mariah, Fareed and I run this place and if you work well you get a good bonus” She said gently to her

“I am not going anywhere,” She calmly told Mariah .

Mariah only smiled, then without warning she slapped her and grabbed her roughly and pushed her towards the door. “Don’t make this hard for yourself, if you cooperate it will be easier, besides its not so bad,” She said smiling coldly.

Eunia had no choice she walked where she was led.

They entered another room where the client waited and Mariah hastly withdrew, leaving them alone. But not before she heard the client say, “Take off your dress mrembo, beautiful one, Start with your underwear”

Eunia shuddered.

“I will not, ”She replied defiantly

“Then I will do it for you,” He said coming towards her as she moved backwards till she reached the wall.

He still came. Eunia looked around frantically searching for anything, a weapon, she knew screaming will would be no use. She just stood there as he took off her dress and her underwear and when she was naked she knew she will have to go through it. Then he held her hand and led her to the bed forced her to lie on it. He stood there for a moment looking down at her young body which lay on the bed shaking. Her eyes were tightly closed as were her legs. She looked beautiful, innocent,ready to eat. And he took off his clothes.

Scream…screams

The screams were screams of pain, agony in capitals.. Now screams in the house were not uncommon and no one bothered to investigate. But the reason this particular screams generated concern was that they came from a client and not one of the girls. They were not screams of pleasure. Fareed, Mariah and two security guards came and banged the door in urgency. The door would not open but the screams continued. The man seemed to be in great pain. They finally decided to break the door of the room.

The new girl Eunia cowered in the corner whimpering and watching the screaming man. She had bright red blood on her. The man was on the bed. Now howling holding the side of his belly where the hilt of a small knife protruded , the whole bed was a bloody mess..Somehow Eunia had got hold of a small knife she had seen on the table beside the bed and stabbed the man. It had belonged to the client.

“Mariah, Hurry and Call our doctor,” Said Fareed looking at the cowering Eunia in distaste, “and you! you are going to regret your birth into this world.”

The doctor came, no ambulances , just a doctor. No need to alert authorities everything was hush.hush as the client situation was brought under control. He did not die.

As for Eunia’s punishment, Fareed chose his most ruthless clients and they gang raped her, the whole night. The next day as Eunia slept alone in her own room, she woke up and committed suicide by tying two bed sheets together and hanging herself from the balcony of the one storey house.

Her body had to be disposed, again no need alerting authorities. Fareed and the guards wrapped her body in bed sheets and drove as far away as they could in the dead of the night. They dumped it into some bushes and drove off. The next day passers by alerted the police of a naked dead body of a girl in the bushes of a highway. The body was carried away to the city mortuary. Another of the many unidentified bodies which will be disposed off since no one would come to claim it.

****************

“And that is all, that is what happened to Eunia” Finished Mariah feeling as if a burden had lifted, the death of that girl had haunted her for a long time until she had decided to quit the business .

“Now madam am afraid you will have to get dressed and come with us down to the headquarters,” Said the sunglassed one.

“Okay let me go and get dressed in the bedroom,” She said calmly and walked into her bedroom as the CID men waited in the living room.

She locked herself inside and sat on her bed. “Damn you fareed!” She muttered.

He had said they will never be caught. He had said he had ensured that.

She then reached into the drawer by her bedside.

The CID officers in the living room had waited for a full ten minutes and were growing impatient. One of them knocked. “Madam, time is of essence here, you better hurry,” He said.

There was no response, instead they heard a loud pop sound, and a thump. They all stood up. They tried the door but it was locked. Two of them threw their shoulders against the door and the impact splintered some wood as the door opened.

Mariah lay slouched backward on her bed a small pistol beside her. The bullet seemed to have entered the back of her mouth throwing her backward. Red spatters of blood were sprayed on the wall behind her.

The CID officers looked for sometime before one of them reached for a phone.

"Fareed she is dead....by her own hand," Said one officer.

JACOB'S CROSS

Old Memories…….

When they sent Jacob to Mathare Mental Institution in Nairobi , I thought I would never have to see or think about him again. Twenty years later, Grandfather died. No one but Grandmother and I turned up to mourn his passing. I had never given much thought to how sour things must have turned for him and Grandmother since the day Jacob was committed to mental institution for the alleged bizzarre murder of our father.

Grandmother took her time before she recognised me. When she did, joy obscured the grief in her eyes for a moment.

“Elina! I thought I had lost you forever!” she cried as she clasped me to her. I could feel her tears on my shoulder and the familiar palm scent of her skin oil. She walked me to her hut, which seemed even smaller than I remembered it. While she rattled around her fireplace trying to heat something up for me, I studied the old black and white photographs all over the earthen walls. I found only one with Jacob and me together with father and mother. In it, I am a smiling plumb child and Jacob is this skiny little boy with a nice smile, I remember mother telling us to smile for the photoman. Father looked ready to burst with pride as he stands behind Mama, enveloping us with his arms. Mama is looking beautiful in a flowered dress and she is tilting her head to one side, her eyes on father. One could see the love between them. Grandmother caught me looking as she came and gave me a bowl of soup she had heated and bread. “He was such a lovely little boy that Jacob. Easy to love, always smiling. And always so eager to help me with everything. I worried it was because he wanted to make sure we wouldn’t stop loving him. As if we would or I could! Even after one does the unthinkable... You always love your flesh and blood, no matter what ,” she said as she urged me to take the soup.

“There was a lot of whispering that it was us, the family’s fault,” she said.

Her eyes were dull and sad as though years of shame had drained the colour out of them. “We brought him up, after all. Others blamed your mother, saying she left without bringing her children up to adulthood.. Your mother was always quickly angered, but she didn’t start acting strangely untiil the shock of losing your father to another woman caught up with her.. You could hardly say it was her fault, but people always want to put the blame somewhere. How is she now?” she asked.

“Physically well. Very strong, in fact,”I said

“We never heard a word from her since she took you away. For a long time I thought she might get well enough to come for Jacob. As time went on, I hoped she might come to see him at least,” her eyes darkened I could see a flick of anger there.

“How is Jacob?” I asked, not out of any genuine interest but because I couldn’t talk to her about mother.

“I haven’t been to see him since last month,” She said, “I hear the doctors are saying he is responding well to treatment and that they might release him soon.”

I frowned.

“Are they sure they’re going to let him out?,”I asked

“Yes. They think he’s ready. He told them he accepted he did it and that he is ill. Apparently he’s doing well with his treatment. But,” she hesitated. I might be family, but she hardly knows me well enough to confide in me she and I were never close. Perhaps it was out of the need to want to confide in someone that she continued anyway, “He told me something.”

“Something... bad?,” I asked

“I think he’s telling them what they want to hear. I don’t believe he’s really any better, I think he will do it again,” She said a worried look on her face.

“Shouldn’t you tell someone at the hospital?” I asked her

“I can’t,” she looked down at her tightly-clasped gnarled hands with veins criss-crossing the backs of them creating green ridges. “It would be a betrayal. He trusts no one in this world except me. I don’t know what it would do to him if he were to find out I’d told you or anyone.”

“But you think he should stay where he is?”I asked her.

There was a long pause before she mouthed the word ‘Yes.’

“But he’ll be released if you don’t say anything,” I probed

“Yes.”

After studying her hands for a while longer, she looked me in the eye, “You could do it,” she said, before I could list my excuses: he doesn’t know me; it’s a long way; I have responsibilities.

She said, “He told me he can prove he is innocent. He says he’s got evidence now that he plans to take to the authorities as soon as he’s out. You should have heard him rambling on about how DNA could never be wrong and that forensic science is now advanced and it was easier to prove innocence by comparing someone’s DNA from the crime scene.”

Now that set me thinking.

Barred windows….

Before I could meet Jacob, a stone –faced female nurse searched me with a thoroughness that allowed no room for modesty, then escorted me through a maze of shiny-floored corridors and white doors. We marched out into the lush green of the hospital grounds. I quickened my pace as we passed the looming grey structure of the main building , it could have passed for a campus dormitory but the Hundreds of small barred windows staring down at me with sightless black eyes and the secured entrance was a dead give-away. It was what it was, a mental institution.

The nurse matched me step for step as she spoke, “Jacob ni kijana mzuri, amepona sasa na atatoka hivi karibuni.” Jacob is a nice young man and he is now healed and will be released soon.

The nurse showed me around as she explained that only their low-risk patients were housed in that building. The nurse then led me into a cosy living room for patients and their visitors and went to fect Jacob.

The knot in my stomach tightened while I waited. I wondered if it would be like the last time. Seeing Jacob then had stirred memories buried so deep and long ago that I had thought they were dreams. Memories of happier times, before Father married the other woman, and before mama ceased to be the good old loving mama I used to adore. Before Jacob and I were separated and the harmony of our lives shattered.

Beautiful brother……

The doors opened and I stopped breathing. The moment I laid eyes on him I let out a breath and the knot in my stomach unravelled. Now in his early thirties, he still had the face of an angel with the his dark soulful eyes, he was still my handsome twin brother.

Jacob sat in the sofa opposite me, shifted about, then relaxed back into the leather cushion. I smiled at the male version of me, my saviour.

“Wow Elina!,” he said. “You’re beautiful, my beautiful sister, a female version of me.”

I wanted to tell him how the soft deep sound of his voice, brought to mind images of our father and transported me to a carefree happier past but I couldn’t.

‘Thanks,’ I said.

“I can’t believe you’re here, after all this time. I always dreamt of meeting you one day. I never thought it would somewhere like this,” He said his eyes never leaving mine.

Jacob put his hand in his pocket and brought out a coloured picture of us. Him and me. It was

“What about mother, will she come to see me?” He asked

“No. She’s too unwell. I’m sorry,” I told him feeling a tightening of my throat, I felt sorry for him and I blamed myself, I would have been the one he was coming to see. The guilt washed over me, I should have come more often.

I would have been the one in Mathare Mental Hospital.

“How’s Grandmother?” he asked at last.

“Ok, considering. She told me all about you growing up, grandmother loves you .” I told him

“I still remember him,” He said.

I knew he was referring to father.

“I don’t remember much about him; his voice was kind and his laugh was loud. we were only eight when he died,” I said

“ When you killed him, you mean.” He said but there was no trace of anger or blame in his voice, he said it casually.

“You know he deserved it,” I said

Jacob said nothing.

“It was a terrible time for mother,” I continued. “She was so ill with grief and didn’t even know you were there half the time. She still misses you and father,” I lied.

Mother is no longer capable of remembering, much less missing, her once beloved husband and son. She has been affected by murder of father.

“Why did she only take you?” Jacob’s voice quivered a little.

“To protect you, I suppose. It was difficult for her to take you knowing what you had done,” I said.

“What she thought I had done, you mean,”he said.

“Has it been hard on you in here?” I asked

“I’m warm, well fed and I’ve plenty to do,”Jacob answered., “I feel safe in here, no one is condemning me here and baying for my blood. No one is concerned with the other here.”

“Why did you do it Elina? Why did you kill father?,” He asked, “and it was terrible, the knife wounds, the blood”

“You know what he did, Jacob? You what he did to mother first then to me,”I said the old rage rising up in me.

“And I paid for your sins all this years,” He said, “ I knew you would take your own life if you were cooped up here like me. You have no idea. It has been difficult.”

“I could have paid for them myself if you had let me. Swift justice I call it.What makes you want to give me away now..? “ I asked,“Grandmother says you got evidence, what is it you got?”

To Be Continued............

THE HAND SHE WAS DEALT

it began....

We will call her SHE.

SHE's 39th birthday was the catalyst for the events that would take place in her life in the year to come. The realization that her 40th birthday was right around the corner haunted her thoughts. Her two sons were off to boarding school for months since they joined secondary school.. The sexual dysfunction that had plagued SHE's marriage had only gotten worse over the last decade and her frustration gnawed at her like a teething puppy. How many more nights would SHE go to bed alone and frustrated? SHE was convinced that she would turn 40, her looks would soon deteriorate and that her vagina would shrivel up and fall away, disintegrate to dust, like an unused limb. SHE would grow old going to bed night after night with this man who was her best friend by day and a complete stranger by night .SHE could count the number of times her husband made love to her. She would usually start counting around new year, and by December the total was at at 6. SHE pleaded with him to take action, find a doctor, a sex therapist, take viagra, watch porn, stop drinking completely, SHE even encouraged him to visit the infamous strip clubs of Nairobi or go to those hothouses in Lavington and Kileleshwa. SHE would prance around their bedroom in her sexiest bra and panties, or completely nude, but he never noticed her. As the longtime sexual aggressor in their relationship, SHE had become resentful and tired, no longer did SHE desire his attentions which to her felt like pity rather than desire. They were awkward now, too much attention had been paid to what should have come naturally and been spontaneous. SHE would meet her friends for coffee and the conversation always turned to sex. HER friends talked about how their husbands couldn't get enough, they complained as if it were a chore, they didn’t know how lucky they were. SHE tried to convince herself that every other aspect of her marriage was enviable, so what if her friends had more sex,SHE had more of everything else, her husband is a wonderful provider and father, and nothing in life is perfect. SHE convinced herself of this for over a decade. The more people SHE talked to, friends, family , basically whoever would listen, the realization struck that it was terribly abnormal. SHE longed for a man to want her, to pay attention, , to whisper in her ear and fill her with lust and desire. Finally, around her 39th birthday, the reality sunk in that it was not to be, the prescription of Viagra sat untouched in the medicine cabinet covered in dust, symbolic of their sex life.......

Emanating Sexual Vibes.......

Fortunately or unfortunately for SHE, her sex drive was in an overdrive. SHE felt like a hot blooded teenager, SHE also felt sexier than ever, and must have been emanating sexual vibes because SHE was getting some attention, like a dog in heat. After child rearing and working out for over a decade, SHE felt confident that her high school was body back (except for her ravaged from breastfeeding breasts everything ship shape). SHE discovered she could have a boob lift surgery,SHE worked out every day at a gym, threw out her sweats and started paying attention to her clothes. SHE also began to spend ridiculous amounts of money, on clothes, dental work, make up,you name it. SHE wasn't afraid, she was determined. SHE felt the need to take the world by the balls and go for it. SHE was desperate to find a lover, she had been fantasizing about it for years, now there was no turning back. Her guilt was assuaged by the fact that her husband was ungrateful despite her commitment of a decade of faithful service as a wife and mother of his children. SHE was concerned that her life was flying by. If there ever was a time to try and find a man to have an affair with, it was then.

Plethora of married men and women...

For the first time SHE understood the sexy housewives of the show Desperate Housewives . Glamorized, upper middle class housewives having sex with their sexy young gardeners. SHE also understood that wife who calls a local radio station to complain of her sexless marriage and cheats on her husband. Lastly she perfectly understood this kindred spirits who are this plethora of horny married men living in sexless marriages. Many a times she listened on local morning radio shows where a man calls the presenter to bad mouth their wife and tell the world of his pathetic marriage.

SHE did not intended to turn to some arrogant radio presenter for advice and air her private matters to the whole world. SHE intended to change.Be confident, be extremely sexy so SHE could drive men of all ages crazy, teenage boys, their fathers, even their grandfathers. The confidence SHE would exude will definitely be a turn on, SHE did not intend to do shy or timid, SHE knew what she wanted and was not afraid to go and claim it. The fact that SHE was married was in itself a huge turn on not only for her but for the men too. SHE knew when a man has sex with another man’s woman, its an ego caressing experience for them, they feel powerful. It's almost caveman mentality.

To cut a long story short, SHE went for it and her affairs have salvaged her self- esteem. SHE can't say the same for her marriage, which is an empty shell. The only good thing about it are her two sons and the assured financial security.

reality check......hope springs enternal.....

Her 40th birthday came and went and the past years have been traumatic, illuminating, exciting, scary, wonderful, and simply amazing for SHE. She has found love and lost it. SHE has made amazing connections and met interesting people. She has had better sex, and felt better about herself than ever before. But SHE still feels empty somewhere inside her, there is this nagging feeling of regret, of feeling like she has failed somehow, SHE has failed her maker who created the institution of marriage and meant it to be a holy and beautiful experience for his people. SHE sometimes feels she has failed her husband , SHE is sure he is faithful, SHE was once madly in love with him and he with her.SHE still misses the old times when her heart would beat only for him . When they couldnt get our hands off each other.It seemed like another lifetime. Maybe, just maybe, things will change.....SHE still hopes..but that hope grows fainter and fainter everyday. But however small, it is still there...