it began....
We will call her SHE.
SHE's 39th birthday was the catalyst for the events that would take place in her life in the year to come. The realization that her 40th birthday was right around the corner haunted her thoughts. Her two sons were off to boarding school for months since they joined secondary school.. The sexual dysfunction that had plagued SHE's marriage had only gotten worse over the last decade and her frustration gnawed at her like a teething puppy. How many more nights would SHE go to bed alone and frustrated? SHE was convinced that she would turn 40, her looks would soon deteriorate and that her vagina would shrivel up and fall away, disintegrate to dust, like an unused limb. SHE would grow old going to bed night after night with this man who was her best friend by day and a complete stranger by night .SHE could count the number of times her husband made love to her. She would usually start counting around new year, and by December the total was at at 6. SHE pleaded with him to take action, find a doctor, a sex therapist, take viagra, watch porn, stop drinking completely, SHE even encouraged him to visit the infamous strip clubs of Nairobi or go to those hothouses in Lavington and Kileleshwa. SHE would prance around their bedroom in her sexiest bra and panties, or completely nude, but he never noticed her. As the longtime sexual aggressor in their relationship, SHE had become resentful and tired, no longer did SHE desire his attentions which to her felt like pity rather than desire. They were awkward now, too much attention had been paid to what should have come naturally and been spontaneous. SHE would meet her friends for coffee and the conversation always turned to sex. HER friends talked about how their husbands couldn't get enough, they complained as if it were a chore, they didn’t know how lucky they were. SHE tried to convince herself that every other aspect of her marriage was enviable, so what if her friends had more sex,SHE had more of everything else, her husband is a wonderful provider and father, and nothing in life is perfect. SHE convinced herself of this for over a decade. The more people SHE talked to, friends, family , basically whoever would listen, the realization struck that it was terribly abnormal. SHE longed for a man to want her, to pay attention, , to whisper in her ear and fill her with lust and desire. Finally, around her 39th birthday, the reality sunk in that it was not to be, the prescription of Viagra sat untouched in the medicine cabinet covered in dust, symbolic of their sex life.......
Emanating Sexual Vibes.......
Fortunately or unfortunately for SHE, her sex drive was in an overdrive. SHE felt like a hot blooded teenager, SHE also felt sexier than ever, and must have been emanating sexual vibes because SHE was getting some attention, like a dog in heat. After child rearing and working out for over a decade, SHE felt confident that her high school was body back (except for her ravaged from breastfeeding breasts everything ship shape). SHE discovered she could have a boob lift surgery,SHE worked out every day at a gym, threw out her sweats and started paying attention to her clothes. SHE also began to spend ridiculous amounts of money, on clothes, dental work, make up,you name it. SHE wasn't afraid, she was determined. SHE felt the need to take the world by the balls and go for it. SHE was desperate to find a lover, she had been fantasizing about it for years, now there was no turning back. Her guilt was assuaged by the fact that her husband was ungrateful despite her commitment of a decade of faithful service as a wife and mother of his children. SHE was concerned that her life was flying by. If there ever was a time to try and find a man to have an affair with, it was then.
Plethora of married men and women...
For the first time SHE understood the sexy housewives of the show Desperate Housewives . Glamorized, upper middle class housewives having sex with their sexy young gardeners. SHE also understood that wife who calls a local radio station to complain of her sexless marriage and cheats on her husband. Lastly she perfectly understood this kindred spirits who are this plethora of horny married men living in sexless marriages. Many a times she listened on local morning radio shows where a man calls the presenter to bad mouth their wife and tell the world of his pathetic marriage.
SHE did not intended to turn to some arrogant radio presenter for advice and air her private matters to the whole world. SHE intended to change.Be confident, be extremely sexy so SHE could drive men of all ages crazy, teenage boys, their fathers, even their grandfathers. The confidence SHE would exude will definitely be a turn on, SHE did not intend to do shy or timid, SHE knew what she wanted and was not afraid to go and claim it. The fact that SHE was married was in itself a huge turn on not only for her but for the men too. SHE knew when a man has sex with another man’s woman, its an ego caressing experience for them, they feel powerful. It's almost caveman mentality.
To cut a long story short, SHE went for it and her affairs have salvaged her self- esteem. SHE can't say the same for her marriage, which is an empty shell. The only good thing about it are her two sons and the assured financial security.
reality check......hope springs enternal.....
Her 40th birthday came and went and the past years have been traumatic, illuminating, exciting, scary, wonderful, and simply amazing for SHE. She has found love and lost it. SHE has made amazing connections and met interesting people. She has had better sex, and felt better about herself than ever before. But SHE still feels empty somewhere inside her, there is this nagging feeling of regret, of feeling like she has failed somehow, SHE has failed her maker who created the institution of marriage and meant it to be a holy and beautiful experience for his people. SHE sometimes feels she has failed her husband , SHE is sure he is faithful, SHE was once madly in love with him and he with her.SHE still misses the old times when her heart would beat only for him . When they couldnt get our hands off each other.It seemed like another lifetime. Maybe, just maybe, things will change.....SHE still hopes..but that hope grows fainter and fainter everyday. But however small, it is still there...
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